Not Suprisingly

Remember M.I.? Let me refresh your memories: 1, 2 and 3. M.I. recently came back into my life, with all the issues going on with R.G., I didn't put much stock in M.I. and thoroughly convinced myself and told myself over and over, don't fall prey again to your emotions. M.I. was making it clear we were friends and I was entirely fine with that. I was well aware of his shortcomings and had no intention of getting swept in. Fine, dandy.

Recently, M.I. has been inviting me to his place (three times now) to watch Desperate Housewives on Sunday night and have dinner. Fun, innocent, something friends would do. I was happy to go as I enjoy the show and had fun just shooting the breeze. On one occasion I met his friend, V. V. just started a relationship with some guy. The second time I went over, V. was there and incessantly asked M.I. and me why we weren't dating. After responding concisely to his questions, he continued to badger us with more questions. The evening was completely awkward because it is precisely a topic I did not want to revisit.

As the evening was coming to an end, V. and M.I. dropped me off at my apartment as they were heading to a bar in the Meatpacking District. As I was saying my goodbyes, I recalled how much I didn't appreciate M.I.'s intense partying and drinking and how that made me feel insecure, the partying and meeting guys, hook ups and late nights. It was a passing thought the moment M.I. pecked me on the lips as he has done as of late (and appears to do with his friends generally) and said "I love you". As I was metaphorically picking myself up off the floor I had no ready response. I looked at him and said, "Well, have fun at the [bar]. Good night." This came out of left field.

As I walked back to my apartment, I wondered, perhaps he just meant "I love you... like a friend" or "I love hanging out with you" which would have been fine. But "I love you", those are words one does not use lightly. So, I thought, perhaps M.I. has developed feelings for me. Time has gone by, we have hung out as friends (i.e., without any expectations or pressures) so, quite possibly, he felt a twitch.

I won't say that this did not have its impact on me, it caused me to wonder. On advice of a third party, I decided not to call him and wait it out, perhaps have a face-to-face talk and figure out exactly what was meant by that utterance. I tried to talk about it at one point, albeit over the phone, but he skirted around the issue. I thought, OK, I won't push this and let it be.

We saw each other Saturday at a party and didn't speak or interact much. Bad sign I thought. Sunday rolled around, Desperate Housewives again (but it was a repeat so we didn't watch it). V. was there with his boyfriend. V. said that M.I. is the type of guy who likes what he can't have, and the minute it becomes available, he loses interest. Light banter, slight discomfort. Bad sign I thought. Monday came and at 5, a call, "Any plans for dinner?". Now, at this precise moment, my better judgment hollered "don't do it"... "Sure, 8 p.m. ok?". Insta-dinner plans at 8 it was.

For other reasons, I was in a quite cheerful mood as I walked into the restaurant and spotted M.I. As I sat down, I engaged in idle conversation and inquired about his night out and his Monday off (he didn't go to work). In less than 3 minutes, I learned that M.I. had gotten home after 5 a.m., had attempted to pick up a guy to take home with him but was cut-off by a third guy that took his guy out from under him and that at the gym that afternoon, a guy masturbated in the shower with the door ajar for his viewing pleasure. This guy is such a keeper. I will not pass judgment on M.I. for what he chooses to do, I can only say that this is definitely not the type of person I would like to have in my life as a partner. I have enough problems as it is.

After those 3 minutes, I felt an impulse to stand up, say good night, and go home, make up some phoney excuse... a bad case of diarrhea coming on or something. But, I thought that would be too rude and stuck it out. I had a great meal for $22 (wine, appetizer, main) and then walked home. As we said our goodbyes, M.I. said he would call me the next day and the following message flashed by in my brain "that is a call you will let go to voicemail".

A.B.