I have been discovered! I must say that this blog has been mostly an exercise for me in writing out my feelings. Seeing them in black and white (or 1's and 0's) has helped me assess the varying situations in my life while preserving some degree of anonymity and receiving the occasional feedback from those that comment.
Unbeknownst to me, one of my internet profiles contains a sufficiently catchy phrase that when searched leads the searcher to my blog thus allowing an individual of sufficient and voracious intellect to put 2 and 2 together and discover my true identity. Alas, my cover is blown! So here goes a shout out to S. and to his friend C (hi C!). They are, to my knowledge, the only two persons who know who I truly am. S. has been sworn to secrecy (are you reading this S.?) and, by proxy, C.!
The funny thing is, S. knew about this blog before he and I met and as things were falling apart with R.G. So, he had an advantage over me in knowing about my prior history with R.G. and the emotional fall-out that ensued. I must say that despite having this knowledge, S. acted like a true gentleman and never brought it up during the times we met. Today, while we spoke over the phone, S. revealed to me that he knew about the blog. Yes, I was a bit startled, but thought that in all, it was funny.
I recently went on a trip to the Caribbean during which I had much time to think about my emotional state relating to R.G. and my meeting other people. S. was one guy I had met a couple of times prior to my trip and is a genuinely nice guy. In addition, we have an acquaintance in common. My conclusion during my trip was that I wasn't ready to put myself out there again and that it was not fair or proper to meet people because I could inadvertently lead them on. I guess I need to straighten many things out (Why do I want to be in a relationship? Why do I fear abandoment? Why do I have trouble trusting those persons I am emotionally involved with? etc.).
After coming back, I met with S. to tell him that, unfortunately, I was not (am not) over R.G. and was not ready to meet someone else and give them a chance. S. was extremely understanding and we have since then been in contact. Some good things do come from dating :-)
Now I wonder, will R.G. have read this? Or M.I? Uh oh.
So, anyhow, I promised S. he would make a guest appearance in the blog. Perhaps he'll even comment (anonymously).
A.B.
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3 comments:
I promise to keep your identify completely and totally in the vault!
Most importantly, I really hope to meet you one day. You sound like such a lovely human.
"S's" proxy "C" aka Secret Squirrel Agent 000
Hey, AB.
What a fabulous man you are. I love that I "super sleuth"'d you down, but the most important part is great that I've had the chance to get to know you. I love moments like this, though... it makes the world and New York and the internet really seem like a smaller community. Well, thanks for the guest appearance. C and I had checked the blog daily to have some sort of barometer for your thoughts before, during, and after our dating. Glad that we've parlayed it into a friendship.... It can only get better from here :-D XO "S"
You guys are great! Look forward to meeting the Secret Squirrel Agent 000
A.B.
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