At 3.15 pm today, I delivered my purchase agreement and down payment for my apartment. Closing is scheduled to occur in mid-April. I've lined up my mortgage bank and locked in a rate. Now, I need to wait for closing. This is a very odd feeling.
Also, today is day 30 of not smoking! I am feeling cravings because I have been staffed on three transactions, all seem to need some degree of attention at the same time, while I was trying to finalize the purchase agreement and the mortgage matter. But, now that that has been accomplished, I am ready to tackle work.
Tomorrow I am supposed to be seeing "The Apple Tree". I hope it is good.
A.B.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Changes
I have been quite busy with my switch and matters relating to the apartment I am purchasing. In addition, I have been entertaining a guest; a dear friend from back home; straight; the first person I ever told "I'm gay". H.D. has been a friend through thick and thin, and though we have had our differences, we have always rescued our friendship.
I have been entertaining random thoughts of sadness, depression, relief, hope, angst and disappointment. After my last call with W.W., I have not heard back from him. We were supposed to do something later in the week. Again, I despair. And I despair at our collective inability to be forthright with each other and honest. To not be attracted to someone is not offensive; to like someone but not feel chemistry is not wrong. Why can't we just say these things? I am disappointed because once more I have ended up in a situation where I developed some hopes about someone and that did not come to fruition. I am saddened.
This time, I will implement the lesson I have learned. I won't call him, I won't try to make things better, or prove myself worthy of his attention. I will let this go, now, and in the future.
Today is day 28 of not smoking. Yesterday, February 20, I switched over to the 14 mg patch. I had been using the 21 mg patch. I am definitely feeling the change; I perceive the lowering of the dosage because I am antsy.
Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my grandmother's passing and the 8th anniversary of my becoming an attorney back home. Today, I will be signing the purchase agreement for my apartment. I will do this alone. Not exactly how I had planned or hoped that this would happen, but the time has come.
H.D. and I had the most amazing dinner at Lupa on Monday. I had been wanting to take him there during his last couple of trips, but for one reason or another, hadn't made it happen. He loved my suggestion and we caught up for 3 hours and went back home. I'm lucky to have him as a friend; if only he were gay. He was metrosexual way before the word was coined. He actually was my first adult crush. He knows it and we often joke about it. I call him princess.
A.B.
I have been entertaining random thoughts of sadness, depression, relief, hope, angst and disappointment. After my last call with W.W., I have not heard back from him. We were supposed to do something later in the week. Again, I despair. And I despair at our collective inability to be forthright with each other and honest. To not be attracted to someone is not offensive; to like someone but not feel chemistry is not wrong. Why can't we just say these things? I am disappointed because once more I have ended up in a situation where I developed some hopes about someone and that did not come to fruition. I am saddened.
This time, I will implement the lesson I have learned. I won't call him, I won't try to make things better, or prove myself worthy of his attention. I will let this go, now, and in the future.
Today is day 28 of not smoking. Yesterday, February 20, I switched over to the 14 mg patch. I had been using the 21 mg patch. I am definitely feeling the change; I perceive the lowering of the dosage because I am antsy.
Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my grandmother's passing and the 8th anniversary of my becoming an attorney back home. Today, I will be signing the purchase agreement for my apartment. I will do this alone. Not exactly how I had planned or hoped that this would happen, but the time has come.
H.D. and I had the most amazing dinner at Lupa on Monday. I had been wanting to take him there during his last couple of trips, but for one reason or another, hadn't made it happen. He loved my suggestion and we caught up for 3 hours and went back home. I'm lucky to have him as a friend; if only he were gay. He was metrosexual way before the word was coined. He actually was my first adult crush. He knows it and we often joke about it. I call him princess.
A.B.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Update...
A lot has happened in my life in the past three weeks. Starting with the last-minute cancellation of my date with W.W. – I had planned to cook for him at my apartment, a traditional Mexican meal. That hasn’t happened.
January 31, 2007 was the last day at my job. I had been there for 4 ½ years, but hadn’t really been happy there. The last 1 ½ years had been torture, and I dreaded going to work every morning. I had an offer extended by another law firm back in September 2006 which I had accepted. I needed to wait until January 2007 to collect a bonus and then announce my departure. My new job begins tomorrow, February 12, 2007. I am quite looking forward to a new professional beginning. I have heard many amazing things about my new firm.
Following my departure, I went on a vacation – alone. This was my first vacation on my own. It turned out to be a very good and healthy exercise. On my way, I had a layover in Miami and had pre-arranged to meet my father – whom I had not seen in 5 or 6 years and with whom I had limited conversations during that time (about two a year). Our encounter was thankfully good – and brief. My father informed me that a couple of years ago he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer but was doing alright now. He told me that he hadn’t told us because he didn’t want me (or my sister) to start being in touch with him again because of his illness. I told him that despite our differences, we were family and that those differences aside, we would have been there for him.
My first day on my vacation, I got a call from W.W. We spoke, he asked when I was going on vacation, etc. We discussed getting together again the following Sunday, for a movie.
I ended up scuba diving a lot on my vacation, relaxing, going out to dinner to various restaurants on the island and reading. I had a lot of time to think about my life. At the same time, I had to deal with an offer I had placed on an apartment. Months ago I had seen this apartment and revisited again just prior to my vacation. I decided to discuss pricing with the sponsor and during my vacation, was able to finalize and agree to a price. When I arrived I purchased the offering memorandum and am awaiting a contract. I may be a homeowner sometime soon.
Although it stresses me out, it is also a cool step in my life, albeit a step I had envisioned myself taking with a life partner/partner in life. Even if things don’t turn out as I had planned, I decided to not limit my life by those aspirations that haven’t yet been realized. So, homeownership (apartment-ownership?) may soon come into being. In actuality, I am quite thrilled at the prospect of furnishing my new home, etc.
Today, I was supposed to have my date with W.W. I had called him yesterday and not heard back from him. He had told me he was going out to a party on Saturday night (one of those anti-Valentine day parties). Well, it turns out it was the Blackhearts Party (featured in this week’s TimeOut). I called him again this afternoon (which I knew I shouldn’t have done… I mean, I just don’t get it). I got voicemail once more. I got a call about an hour later. He had just woken up because of the party he went to. Turned out he got home at 7 am. Anyhow, he cancelled, said he wasn’t feeling social. He said we should do something later in the week. I didn’t hide my discontent and just told him that he should give me a call if he wanted to get together.
Finally, today is day 18 (I feel like I am in A.A.) of not smoking. I am proud of the accomplishment and hope to keep this up. Although, at times like these I could certainly use a cigarette, I won’t.
A.B.
January 31, 2007 was the last day at my job. I had been there for 4 ½ years, but hadn’t really been happy there. The last 1 ½ years had been torture, and I dreaded going to work every morning. I had an offer extended by another law firm back in September 2006 which I had accepted. I needed to wait until January 2007 to collect a bonus and then announce my departure. My new job begins tomorrow, February 12, 2007. I am quite looking forward to a new professional beginning. I have heard many amazing things about my new firm.
Following my departure, I went on a vacation – alone. This was my first vacation on my own. It turned out to be a very good and healthy exercise. On my way, I had a layover in Miami and had pre-arranged to meet my father – whom I had not seen in 5 or 6 years and with whom I had limited conversations during that time (about two a year). Our encounter was thankfully good – and brief. My father informed me that a couple of years ago he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer but was doing alright now. He told me that he hadn’t told us because he didn’t want me (or my sister) to start being in touch with him again because of his illness. I told him that despite our differences, we were family and that those differences aside, we would have been there for him.
My first day on my vacation, I got a call from W.W. We spoke, he asked when I was going on vacation, etc. We discussed getting together again the following Sunday, for a movie.
I ended up scuba diving a lot on my vacation, relaxing, going out to dinner to various restaurants on the island and reading. I had a lot of time to think about my life. At the same time, I had to deal with an offer I had placed on an apartment. Months ago I had seen this apartment and revisited again just prior to my vacation. I decided to discuss pricing with the sponsor and during my vacation, was able to finalize and agree to a price. When I arrived I purchased the offering memorandum and am awaiting a contract. I may be a homeowner sometime soon.
Although it stresses me out, it is also a cool step in my life, albeit a step I had envisioned myself taking with a life partner/partner in life. Even if things don’t turn out as I had planned, I decided to not limit my life by those aspirations that haven’t yet been realized. So, homeownership (apartment-ownership?) may soon come into being. In actuality, I am quite thrilled at the prospect of furnishing my new home, etc.
Today, I was supposed to have my date with W.W. I had called him yesterday and not heard back from him. He had told me he was going out to a party on Saturday night (one of those anti-Valentine day parties). Well, it turns out it was the Blackhearts Party (featured in this week’s TimeOut). I called him again this afternoon (which I knew I shouldn’t have done… I mean, I just don’t get it). I got voicemail once more. I got a call about an hour later. He had just woken up because of the party he went to. Turned out he got home at 7 am. Anyhow, he cancelled, said he wasn’t feeling social. He said we should do something later in the week. I didn’t hide my discontent and just told him that he should give me a call if he wanted to get together.
Finally, today is day 18 (I feel like I am in A.A.) of not smoking. I am proud of the accomplishment and hope to keep this up. Although, at times like these I could certainly use a cigarette, I won’t.
A.B.
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