Yesterday night was fantastic. My friend H.P. had wanted to introduce me to his mother, as she was in town visiting. After their dinner, we decided to meet up at a bar in the L.E.S. which, fortunately, was closed for renovations. H.P. decided we should go to a gay bar, Starlight, with mom in tow.
Mind you, my mother is a fag-hag (though she never has been to a bar, gay or straight). I thought the idea of bringing mom along was novel and delightful.
After the cosmos and the vodka tonics flowed, people began looking at us, and not in a strange way, but rather in an inquisitive-yet-I-won't-dare-ask type of way. As the night progressed, we were engaged in conversations with the people around us saying how fantastic it was to have a mom at the bar.
H.P.'s mom was adorable, chatting away, asking people questions, sharing her own experience with respect to her son's coming out, etc.
I think the best part of the experience was that we got to share our lives and a moment with a maternal figure and not feel that we were offending her for being us. Weird perhaps, but something every gay man should do (with his or somebody else's mother).
A.B.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Oblivion
M.I. has become obsolete. We had a talk over dinner and was informed that his life is just too complicated at the moment to even contemplate anything remotely serious.
So, aside from thinking that that was a cop out and writing him off ipso facto, the guy called me a week later to see what was up and to say we should get together. Color me stupid please, now. If your life is too complicated, why would you continue seeing a person that (i) makes your life complicated, and (ii) reminds you that your life is complicated?
I am realizing that we are complex creatures (and I have realized this before, but I just keep forgetting the lesson learned) and we fear being too honest. My friend H.P. says that this guy just doesn't want to be portrayed as a 'bad guy' and thus resorts to the "my life is complicated" line. It is like game theory, a no-lose situation. I'm not 'hurt', he isn't evil. Well, that is skewed logic, because it ultimately fails to address that lack of honesty is, too, hurtful.
Anyhow, enough of that. I am moving on and should have time ago. Again, another experience, not a great one, but an experience nonetheless. Perhaps this guy will someday realize that I'm not only handsome, professional, intelligent and adored by mothers everywhere, but also, a decent human being.
A.B.
So, aside from thinking that that was a cop out and writing him off ipso facto, the guy called me a week later to see what was up and to say we should get together. Color me stupid please, now. If your life is too complicated, why would you continue seeing a person that (i) makes your life complicated, and (ii) reminds you that your life is complicated?
I am realizing that we are complex creatures (and I have realized this before, but I just keep forgetting the lesson learned) and we fear being too honest. My friend H.P. says that this guy just doesn't want to be portrayed as a 'bad guy' and thus resorts to the "my life is complicated" line. It is like game theory, a no-lose situation. I'm not 'hurt', he isn't evil. Well, that is skewed logic, because it ultimately fails to address that lack of honesty is, too, hurtful.
Anyhow, enough of that. I am moving on and should have time ago. Again, another experience, not a great one, but an experience nonetheless. Perhaps this guy will someday realize that I'm not only handsome, professional, intelligent and adored by mothers everywhere, but also, a decent human being.
A.B.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Honesty, is it the best policy?
On Thursday, I was completely fed up with M.I.'s lack of communication/interaction. So I wrote this to him:
Hey M.I.,
I tried to reach you, I have some really cool news I would like to share with you.
In any event, I also want to ask you what's up. It appears to me that you aren't interested in hanging out or dating or a friendship and for the sake of clarity I would like to know if that is in fact the case. I don't mean to be a pester, but I feel I'm not off the mark here, I feel like I am the lowest of priorities (not to say I expect to be the highest one, but feeling like the last sort of sucks). I would have preferred to talk (as opposed to e-mail), but, in any event, have always preferred directness as opposed to beating around the bush. If you are pursuing other interests, or have no interest in me or desire to hang out or maintain a semblance of a friendship, I'd appreciate it if you would say so. Clarity and honesty are always much appreciated. ...
I think you are a great guy, very smart, articulate and handsome and have enjoyed getting to know you, but if it is time to withdraw, I'll take the queue, just say so.
I don't mean to be dramatic, I really hate that. Just hope you understand I'm wanting clarity.
Take care,
A.B.
To which I received a response with the "it isn't you, in a jam, talk later response". He called and said that we would try to do something on Saturday. Well, Saturday came and went and no call. Men suck. With an e-mail like that, why can't a person respond and say, "gee, thanks, but you know, I am not interested". Is saying that too offensive? Or do we prefer a cowardly stance? I am befuddled.
A.B.
Hey M.I.,
I tried to reach you, I have some really cool news I would like to share with you.
In any event, I also want to ask you what's up. It appears to me that you aren't interested in hanging out or dating or a friendship and for the sake of clarity I would like to know if that is in fact the case. I don't mean to be a pester, but I feel I'm not off the mark here, I feel like I am the lowest of priorities (not to say I expect to be the highest one, but feeling like the last sort of sucks). I would have preferred to talk (as opposed to e-mail), but, in any event, have always preferred directness as opposed to beating around the bush. If you are pursuing other interests, or have no interest in me or desire to hang out or maintain a semblance of a friendship, I'd appreciate it if you would say so. Clarity and honesty are always much appreciated. ...
I think you are a great guy, very smart, articulate and handsome and have enjoyed getting to know you, but if it is time to withdraw, I'll take the queue, just say so.
I don't mean to be dramatic, I really hate that. Just hope you understand I'm wanting clarity.
Take care,
A.B.
To which I received a response with the "it isn't you, in a jam, talk later response". He called and said that we would try to do something on Saturday. Well, Saturday came and went and no call. Men suck. With an e-mail like that, why can't a person respond and say, "gee, thanks, but you know, I am not interested". Is saying that too offensive? Or do we prefer a cowardly stance? I am befuddled.
A.B.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
