Day # 3 and others...

A week ago, I went to my doctor. I told him I needed to stop smoking. I had increased my vice to a pack a day of Marlboro Ultra Lights and hated myself for it. It's such a disgusting vice, but I couldn't help myself. Smoking was relaxing, de-stressing, escapist. I had quit in January 2001 with the help of my acupuncturist back home. In one session, I quit. I didn't pick up a cigarette for 4 1/2 years. When I hit stressful times, I began smoking again.

On January 17, my doctor prescribed a medication, to be taken once daily for five days, the doubled for two additional days, followed by the same dosis and the use of the nicotine 21 mg patch. I will be seeing him on February 12 for a follow up.

Today is my third day of the patch, and though I have hung in there and made every effort to not smoke, I continue to have the urge. I have fought it, but still feel the desire. But I will NOT smoke.

Today, I bumped into R.G. in the locker room at the gym. For the first time since we stopped dating, I was able to speak to him without feeling any pangs. We had a brief conversation about my job switch, his work travels and said goodbye. I was completely nervous because I had lost my nicotine patch on the gym floor (it was inside my book) and he said, you seem to be in a hurry. I told him that I had lost something and was concerned. I said goodbye, went to the gym floor, found the patch and, as I was coming downstairs, saw him again and just said that I had found it.

After that, I put the damned thing on, ran to order flowers for three partners at my firm, as a goodbye and thank you token and had brunch with a friend and former colleague, P.B. We went to Extra Virgin. I ate the ultra-decadent french toast and told him the saga of my departure. We finished brunch and said our goodbyes and I ran to an appointment to see three apartments for sale in the Village. I may place an offer on one on Monday.

After that, I came home, rested and looked up mortgage rates, calculators and the like and then ran to a birthday celebration at Sala for a friend. I drank too much Sangria and came home to walk my dog and write this.

Long day! Tomorrow I will take it easy and then go to L.C. apartment for dinner and Desperate Housewives.

A.B.

Go figure...

You Are An ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done. You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings. Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you. Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

What's Your Personality Type?

Update of sorts...

Finished reading "The Year of Magical Thinking" and then gave it to my mom to read. The book evoked many memories of my grandmother's passing and the ensuing years.

I also finished reading "The Married Man" by Edmund White, which had me in tears at the end. Without a doubt, it is a book all should read. Love is a complicated thing.

I have currently moved on to "Dry", after having read "Running with Scissors" and seen the movie. So far, entertaining.

Resigned at my job on Tuesday, much to the surprise of those I work and have worked with. I went to every single partner's and associate's office that I have worked with in the past 4 1/2 years to let them know. I would rather have them hear it from the horses mouth than via rumor. Several partners have met up with me to ask that I reconsider and offered me an opportunity within the firm. This is highly unusual and extremely flattering and I am confused. I asked to have the weekend to think about this and get back to them.

Admiring Aaron Brett Charney for filing a lawsuit against a firm, alleging discrimination based on sexual orientation. Following the case as more news becomes available.

Had a date two weeks ago with W.W., scheduled a date for last week with W.W. that he cancelled due to illness. Haven't heard much from him since the cancellation. Smells like the kiss of death to me, not sure he remains interested.

More later.

A.B.

New Year's Resolutions

This year, I spent New Year's at my friend C.C.'s. Her parents were visiting in town and we had dinner at her apartment. C.C.'s mother asked that we all write down are New Year's resolutions, which were to be read aloud after New Year's. These were my resolutions:

1) To learn to enjoy my life as it is and to accept everything in my life as it is or comes
2) To be a better son and brother
3) To love, and to allow myself to be loved
4) To maintain my weight and continue exercising
5) To develop myself professionally
6) To travel more
7) To establish a healthy relationship with my father

We shall see how 2007 develops.

A.B.

Happy New Year!

To all,

May 2007 be a year full of renewed hope and dreams, coupled with happiness and joy. May the tenacity of your spirit grow with each day!

A.B.

Home Sweet Home

Arrived safe and sound in Mexico on Friday 12/22/06... although the flight was slightly delayed, and my pooch traveled in a special cargo area, which was stressful to me, we made it.

I hit the ground running and saw a friend for dinner. It was nice to see G.C.R. face to face; luckily he is doing well, just came out of a relationship but that ended on good terms, he is looking spectacular and life in general is good for him. I was thrilled to see him. He is one of those good, no, great friends that remain unaffected by time and distance. We had dinner at a restaurant curiously named "Otto" which, unfortunately, wasn't as great as the New York counterpart.

Saturday, I met with my former boss and good friend B.E.; G.C.R. accompanied us, we had Chinese at a Hunan, an old haunt. After that we then went to a club which was completely empty, but we had a good time.

Sunday was Christmas; my mom cooked a fabulous dinner, typical recipes in our family and today was just a relaxing day. I saw a very good movie at home with my mom, Elsa y Fred, about an older woman and her neighbor and their budding romantic relationship. It was quite sweet and inspiring.

Before my trip home, I met with W.W. for dinner. We had tapas and after that I asked him if he would like to grab dessert, so we did and we went to Chikalicious. Absolutely delicious.

More later,

A.B.

The Chocolates

Due to some mailroom delays, the chocolates arrived at W.W.'s desk on Tuesday, in the afternoon. I received a thank you e-mail stating that they had put a huge smile on his face. Cloud 9 has nothing on me. We have a date Saturday :-)

A.B.

Neruda, Pablo

Pablo Neruda is absolutely gifted. I just bought a bilingual compendium of his work.

If You Forget Me


I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

Such a beautiful expression of love.

A.B.

The Romantic...

Yesterday late afternoon, I sent W.W. a tiny box of chocolates from La Maison du Chocolat and a thank you note.

A.B.

Cr[Bl]ackberry usage

So, I read this on WSJ today:

December 8, 2006, 5:21 pm
BlackBerry Addicts: A 12-Step
Program
Posted by Peter Lattman

WSJ.com’s most-emailed and most-read story of the day: “BlackBerry Orphans,” a tale about the unexpected impact the devices are having on family dynamics. We know that lawyers — and those of us at the Law Blog — are chronic BlackBerry users, so we urge you to read the story. But the sidebar, “A 12-Step Program for Addicts,” is a keeper. Here are the recommendations, and feel free to add your two cents:

1. During meals, do not check email.

2. Do not hide your email habits from family members. If you feel that someone would be upset to see you BlackBerrying, it’s a sign that you probably shouldn’t be.

3. Commit to stop emailing while driving (even at red lights), walking across the street or doing anything that requires careful attention.

4. Do not check email for the first hour of the day. In addition to giving you time to leisurely read the newspaper or spend time with your family, the practice will help you shake the tic-like checking ritual.

5. Endeavor to leave the mobile email device in the car or at home when attending any function taking place at your child’s school, or when picking up your child from school.

6. Decide on an email-free block of time. Parents should first assess their child’s conversational patterns — some like to talk about their day immediately after school, others just before bedtime. Even if your child doesn’t seem interested in talking, stick to your promise not to email during that time.

7. Set boundaries at work: Alert your colleagues that your mobile email device will be turned off during the predetermined time slot.

8. Actually turn off your device and stick it in a drawer during the time you’ve designated as email-free.

9. If you are in the middle of a work crisis, still try to respect some boundaries. Consider blocking out a few 15-minute periods to check email — and then turn the device off again. Honestly assess whether the situation at work is an actual crisis that can’t be solved without your oversight.

10. When emailing while socializing or spending time with your family, ask yourself if your priority at that moment is enjoying after-work activities or getting work done. If it is the former, power-down. If it’s the latter, return to the office.

11. Upon arriving home, practice a ritual that helps you mentally separate the work day from the after-work evening. Light a candle, put on music, pour a cocktail. Don’t check your email during this time.

12. If mobile email overuse creates tension between you and your significant other, consider creating jointly agreed-upon BlackBerry-free zones. For instance, unless your bedroom doubles as a home office, consider maintaining it as a sanctuary of your personal life.

So thrilled I didn't take my crackberry with me during my dates... then again, I am still not back at the office.

A.B.

Sunday

It was 12 pm, and I thought it was time to call W.W. and I held back. I didn't want to appear to over-anxious which, with me, is always a challenge. I don't hold back and have been trying to maintain some form of equilibrium when it comes to dating.

I stepped out of my apartment to run some errands and then, at 12.50 pm called him. As he picked up he said he was just text messaging me (ugh). We agreed to meet at 3 pm in Union Square and then head up to the museum.

I quickly grabbed breakfast at Jerry's in Soho. I had some french toast with strawberries and bananas, and coffee. After that, I stopped by Paul Smith, Moss and Alessi, and then headed home. I took a quick nap, walked my pooch and then headed to Union Square.

W.W. was running 10 minutes late and I got stuck in the 6 train for a good 10 minutes due to some malfunction on the 4/5 line. So, we met at about 3.15 pm at the holiday market.

We took the 6 train uptown and ended up walking in the wrong direction. As we realized this, I saw La Maison du Chocolat and asked him if he would like some hot chocolate. He said yes and we walked in. We ordered and W.W. said he would get it. I balked as the gentleman rang us up, $18 for two small hot chocolates. I apologized to W.W.. He laughed and we drank merrily as we walked down to the Museum.

The exhibit was very interesting, though I focused much more on the Picassos and the Lichtensteins than on anything else. It was quite an interesting collection of varying artists with a common theme and, in some instances, reinterpretations of Picasso's works. We had a lengthy discussion about copyright and appropriation in the art world and came out on different sides of that discussion, which I thought was good. Differing views always lead to interesting conversations.

After that we saw the Kiki Smith exhibit, which W.W. found slightly disturbing and that I enjoyed a little more.

We grabbed a cab and headed over to L.C.'s for the party. We tried to find something to bring along, but all the liquor stores were closed. L.C. opened the door and greeted us with great big hugs. We stepped in and were received with two glasses of champagne.

We continued our conversation, met some people and spoke with them, had some great food (a triple cream from Coach Farms, one of L.C.'s and my favorites); some amazing manchego; a delightful fig compote to pair; brownies with fresh fruit and other marvels.

At about 8 pm, W.W. said he had to leave to take care of some work. He left and I stayed longer to spend time with L.C. At 10 pm I text messaged him with what I believed to be the answer to a question that we had lingering (an impressionist artist whose work had been exhibited at the Met that at the end of his life used torn fabrics to make artwork: Matisse) and got a response (Yes!). I went home just thinking that W.W. is a really nice person and hope he thinks the same of me; and that maybe, he will want to go out again with me.

A.B.

Friday's Dinner

I had dinner on Friday with the guy (W.W.) I met at 'Toys for Tots' on Sunday. We had followed the event with dinner at Sueños and had a very nice time. Those occasions when conversation flows and silences are not awkward, but rather meaningful.

We arranged to meet Friday at 9 pm for dinner at The Tasting Room. I arrived a couple of minutes late and W.W. was already there. I smiled as I walked in and saw him. He was very handsome. Strangely, he wore a white shirt with diagonally crossing blue lines and a navy jacket, with jeans. I was wearing a white shirt with diagonally crossing blue and brown lines and a chocolate brown velvet dinner jacket, with jeans. I commented on our attire. We were informed our table wouldn't be ready, that the restaurant was running slightly behind schedule and were invited to the bar. As we were about to order a drink, the hostess offered us a complementary glass of sparkling white wine which we readily accepted.

We began talking about his office holiday party the evening before and were seated 15 minutes later. As it was his first time at the restaurant, I suggested he order dinner and that I would take care of the wine. He ordered our dinner and I the wine. And the conversation continued. Midway through dinner I asked him what he had planned for the weekend and he said he was going to go on Sunday to the Whitney, as he an interest in seeing the Picasso and American Art exhibit. I told him I thought that it should be an interesting exhibit, that the Whitney has always been a favorite of mine and then if he would like to go together. As I said it, I felt like a dunce, inviting myself to something he had plans to do. He immediately said that it would be great, quelling my minor anxiety. I told him that that afternoon, my friend L.C. would be hosting a holiday party and if he would like to accompany afterwards to the party. He accepted.

We finished dinner, and the last of our Oregonian Pinot Noir and left the restaurant. As we walked, we had that sensation of not wanting the evening to be over but, at the same time, not wanting to over do it. As we stood on the corner of Elizabeth and Houston, I told him I needed some coffee. I suggested we go to a coffee shop nearby which turned out to be closed. I then offered going back to my apartment, and that I could make coffee. He said yes.

We bought some milk on the way and headed up to my apartment. I took his coat, hung it up and proceeded to make coffee. We sat down, continued our conversation and then he lay his head on my lap. I played with his hair a little bit and we kissed. After an hour of conversation and a little flirting, he headed home.

I bade him farewell and began looking forward to Sunday.

A.B.

Toys for Tots

I went to Toys for Tots yesterday, and had a blast. It is always such a fun party and a great event. Mountains of toys, streams of vodka, much merriment.

I was fortunate to see many people I have encountered in New York in the past and catch up. I also saw, from afar, one of the guys from Gym Adventures and the gym manager. The gym manager walked up to me and mentioned that they have been having many complaints along those lines. In addition, he told me that as they were talking to these two guys, one of them was confronted by his boyfriend who was arriving at the gym and found out what had transpired.

I saw a couple of bloggers at Toys for Tots too, so that was cool.

And, finally, I had a wonderful conversation and dinner with a guy I met there. I had not seen him and we bumped into each other, face to face. He said "Hello" and then "I saw you twice this evening, but you didn't notice me, how are you doing?". We spoke at length and then, as the lights came on, and everyone shuffled out, we went to dinner. A great evening. We are having a "second date" on Friday.

A.B.

Celebrity Sighting

I rode the subway up to work this morning with Stone Phillips of Dateline NBC. The guy is tall, taller than me. He's about six foot three inches tall; very handsome and very distinguished.

A.B.

Gym Adventures

I ran to the gym last night after work. I really needed to get a good work out in and exhaust myself. I arrived around 7.40 p.m., changed into my gym clothes and then headed downstairs to the free weights. I went through my work out and glanced around the gym as I did. I wrapped up my workout with a 10 minute run on the elliptical and then headed for the steam room and shower.

I went to the steam room and sat down. There were three other people there, so I found a spot and sat down. I saw that one of the guys was sitting in a rather "suggestive" fashion and didn't really pay too much more attention to him. After a bit, he got up, stepped out of the steam room, and walked into the one shower stall that has a curtain. Shortly after, another guy gets up, steps out and heads toward the same shower stall.

Now, mind you. I don't consider myself a prude. But, at the same time, I know and feel that there is a time and a place for everything. And the gym (at least this type of gym) is not the right place to engage in sexual activity (hetero, homo or otherwise). I stepped out of the steam room some 10 minutes later. The gentleman who cleans the gym walked towards the shower area and I told him that I believed there were two guys in the shower stall. He asked if I was sure, and I said that I believed that there were two guys there. As he was about to pull the curtain to one side, one of the guys pulled the curtain open in a very discreet manner, and, as he stepped out, saw the janitor and me standing there. Case closed.

I stepped into a stall, showered and a couple of minutes later the other guy stepped out from his curtained stall and went into a glass shower stall.

I finished showering and headed to the dry area to get dressed. Both guys were behind me, a couple of lockers down. Completely uncomfortable.

They left before I did and as I headed down, the janitor asked that I check with the front desk before I left. I walked downstairs and the two guys were at the front desk. I asked someone at the desk who I should speak to and they asked me to please step into one of the offices. I did and informed them what I had seen. They said that the two guys' membership was being revoked. I told them that as a gay man, I'm not appalled by sex, but that I thought that was not the place.

Now, you might think I'm a prude or I am on some high horse. The fact is, one these guys has done this and many other things at the gym. I've seen him masturbate, postrate and conduct himself in a manner that makes me uncomfortable both at this location and at the other location I go to. This was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Plus, I don't plan on walking on someone's spunk while I'm at the gym. And now, I have to go buy flip flops, which I should have probably done before.

So, my friends say I'm an asshole. What would you have done?

A.B.

Thanksgiving Weekend

Had a great Thanksgiving weekend and am sad that it is over. Wednesday was a calm afternoon followed by a night out at a bar. I had a good time, except for this ugly guy that groped me. I grabbed his arm, shoved him and told him to never grope me again. He stared back blankly, almost innocently, while a friend came to his defense. I yelled at him to never do that again, let him go and walked away. I just don't get people like that.

On Thursday, I ran out the door (at 1pm) to get some dessert for the dinner my friend C.K., his boyfriend S.J. and their friend E.S. were having and had kindly invited me to. I brought along a bottle of champagne and a bottle of white wine for our dinner.

The dinner was a feast. A festival of carbohydrates most pleasing to the palate. We followed our dinner with desserts and then ran to the movies to see Casino Royale. I wasn't terribly impressed by the movie as a whole, but did enjoy Mr. Craig. Now there's a walking orgasm.

Friday was a mellow morning. I went to my rescheduled therapy session, then shopping for C.K.'s birthday present (a pair of gloves from Paul Smith he had admired and told us about) and then headed to the gym to work off those carbs. I had a great workout, the type you walk away from the gym slightly fatigued, but relaxed. That afternoon I met a guy from Match. We had a nice conversation, but the fact that he lives with his mother was a slight turn off.

Friday night was dinner with M.I., a person I had not seen in a couple of months. We had a good time, but he made some slightly off color remarks that seemed to indicate some ulterior motive ("wow, I can see your package", for example). We ended up going out to a bar near where I live and then I headed home.

Saturday was yet another gym day. This time I went with an acquaintance of mine, a therapist that assisted me on one of my pro bono cases (which we won!). We have become acquainted recently and headed to a good workout together, followed by brunch at Sascha in the Meat Packing District. After that, I headed home to walk my dog, take a nap, and get ready for my friend K.C.'s birthday dinner at Tabla. The dinner was a lot of fun, and some of his other friends were there, including a recently-coupled annoying couple; the type that has been in a relationship for a couple of months and says things such as "I can't believe you are single, it's so difficult". Two months and they have already forgotten. Ugh.

After dinner, I invited them to my place for drinks and invited a friend to join. After that, we went out to a bar again. It was fun, there were a lot of people and, incredibly, many that I recognized from profiles on Friendster and Match. Of course this time, I had the wherewithal to not walk up to these individuals and say "Hi, I saw your profile on...". It freaks people out if you do that (and I don't understand why). I have a good memory and they put their photos on the internet. Do they expect anonymity?

Sunday I just relaxed, met another guy from Friendster and Match. Seemed a little too antsy for my taste.

After that, I headed to Hell's Kitchen to see a show and then dinner with an attorney I have bumped into on several occasions at legal events. We had a good time and dinner at Haru was scrumptious. Perfect light fare for a week of heavy eating. We said our goodbyes, and I went home to watch Desperate Housewives.

It was quite a busy weekend, but I felt occupied. And that was a nice feeling.

A.B.

Celebrity sighting

So, I just bumped into Hillary Swank at the Paul Smith Store on 5th Ave. She is quite lovely.

A.B.

Kinky Boots

I saw this film on DVD (blockbuster.com) and thought it was entertaining. In any event, just saw this on youtube.com and thought I'd share it with y'all:




Enjoy!

A.B.

Batting 1000

This came in this evening from a guy I had coffee with on Monday of last week and brunch on Sunday:

a.b.,

enjoyed breakfast yesterday. you're adorable.

hey, i don't think i'm available for dating, but if you'd like to pursue a friendship and hang out sometimes to engage in snappy banter and cher songs, count me in.

regards,
j.

Mind you, both this guy and cupcake guy were guys I met twice and once, respectively. Sort of feel like I am getting battered over and over again.

A.B.

Cupcake Guy

I received an e-mail from cupcake guy on Friday. Truthfully, I appreciate his clarity and only question the means of communication. He and I didn't exchange e-mail addresses or communicate via e-mail, so the fact that he searched for my e-mail address on my firm's website or otherwise and sent me an e-mail shows an uneasiness to talk face to face or over the phone about something that may not be easy.

The e-mail follows:

Hi A.B.,

So sorry to be awol this week. Has been a busy [...]. Got your voicemail though and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.

I had a great time as well Friday night. Would definitely be up for getting together again though I think I’d probably be more on the “just friends” track. I enjoyed your company though so if that’s ok with you let me know. The next couple of weeks are crazy b/t [...]. But maybe we can grab a drink (which may turn into dinner) after I
return?

Hope you’ve had a good weekend and have a great weekend planned (I think this is the dinner party weekend, right?). Good luck if so!

Cupcake Guy

I responded and let him know that "just friends" is fine. I'm always hesitant about these things because to me friendships require efforts, like any relationship. And knowing of someone's existence on Earth doesn't amount to a "friendship".