A lot has happened in my life in the past three weeks. Starting with the last-minute cancellation of my date with W.W. – I had planned to cook for him at my apartment, a traditional Mexican meal. That hasn’t happened.
January 31, 2007 was the last day at my job. I had been there for 4 ½ years, but hadn’t really been happy there. The last 1 ½ years had been torture, and I dreaded going to work every morning. I had an offer extended by another law firm back in September 2006 which I had accepted. I needed to wait until January 2007 to collect a bonus and then announce my departure. My new job begins tomorrow, February 12, 2007. I am quite looking forward to a new professional beginning. I have heard many amazing things about my new firm.
Following my departure, I went on a vacation – alone. This was my first vacation on my own. It turned out to be a very good and healthy exercise. On my way, I had a layover in Miami and had pre-arranged to meet my father – whom I had not seen in 5 or 6 years and with whom I had limited conversations during that time (about two a year). Our encounter was thankfully good – and brief. My father informed me that a couple of years ago he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer but was doing alright now. He told me that he hadn’t told us because he didn’t want me (or my sister) to start being in touch with him again because of his illness. I told him that despite our differences, we were family and that those differences aside, we would have been there for him.
My first day on my vacation, I got a call from W.W. We spoke, he asked when I was going on vacation, etc. We discussed getting together again the following Sunday, for a movie.
I ended up scuba diving a lot on my vacation, relaxing, going out to dinner to various restaurants on the island and reading. I had a lot of time to think about my life. At the same time, I had to deal with an offer I had placed on an apartment. Months ago I had seen this apartment and revisited again just prior to my vacation. I decided to discuss pricing with the sponsor and during my vacation, was able to finalize and agree to a price. When I arrived I purchased the offering memorandum and am awaiting a contract. I may be a homeowner sometime soon.
Although it stresses me out, it is also a cool step in my life, albeit a step I had envisioned myself taking with a life partner/partner in life. Even if things don’t turn out as I had planned, I decided to not limit my life by those aspirations that haven’t yet been realized. So, homeownership (apartment-ownership?) may soon come into being. In actuality, I am quite thrilled at the prospect of furnishing my new home, etc.
Today, I was supposed to have my date with W.W. I had called him yesterday and not heard back from him. He had told me he was going out to a party on Saturday night (one of those anti-Valentine day parties). Well, it turns out it was the Blackhearts Party (featured in this week’s TimeOut). I called him again this afternoon (which I knew I shouldn’t have done… I mean, I just don’t get it). I got voicemail once more. I got a call about an hour later. He had just woken up because of the party he went to. Turned out he got home at 7 am. Anyhow, he cancelled, said he wasn’t feeling social. He said we should do something later in the week. I didn’t hide my discontent and just told him that he should give me a call if he wanted to get together.
Finally, today is day 18 (I feel like I am in A.A.) of not smoking. I am proud of the accomplishment and hope to keep this up. Although, at times like these I could certainly use a cigarette, I won’t.
A.B.
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Monday, November 20, 2006
Cupcake Guy
I received an e-mail from cupcake guy on Friday. Truthfully, I appreciate his clarity and only question the means of communication. He and I didn't exchange e-mail addresses or communicate via e-mail, so the fact that he searched for my e-mail address on my firm's website or otherwise and sent me an e-mail shows an uneasiness to talk face to face or over the phone about something that may not be easy.
The e-mail follows:
I responded and let him know that "just friends" is fine. I'm always hesitant about these things because to me friendships require efforts, like any relationship. And knowing of someone's existence on Earth doesn't amount to a "friendship".
The e-mail follows:
Hi A.B.,
So sorry to be awol this week. Has been a busy [...]. Got your voicemail though and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.
I had a great time as well Friday night. Would definitely be up for getting together again though I think I’d probably be more on the “just friends” track. I enjoyed your company though so if that’s ok with you let me know. The next couple of weeks are crazy b/t [...]. But maybe we can grab a drink (which may turn into dinner) after I
return?
Hope you’ve had a good weekend and have a great weekend planned (I think this is the dinner party weekend, right?). Good luck if so!
Cupcake Guy
I responded and let him know that "just friends" is fine. I'm always hesitant about these things because to me friendships require efforts, like any relationship. And knowing of someone's existence on Earth doesn't amount to a "friendship".
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Another one bites the dust... and other ramblings
Bumped into a guy at a bar on a weekend and had a short conversation. It turned out I sort of knew him as a colleague had forwarded to me his profile (on his company website) saying that the guy was really good-looking and had shown her an apartment. I didn't contact him because that would have been completely strange.
Many, many months later (a couple of weekends ago), a friend points out this handsome guy and I end up talking to him. It turned out that he was the guy my colleague had suggested I contact. It came in the context of our conversation about our jobs. I asked if I could call him and he said that it would be fine.
I did call him a day later and left voicemail, he returned my call two days later and we agreed to meet for a drink. We met on Friday night of last week (11/10/06) and ended up having dinner. We had a great conversation and, what I thought, was commonality. At the end of our dinner, as we paid, I asked him if I could call him again and he said yes. We then walked over to a bakery and got some cupcakes (which he paid for). We said goodnight and went our separate ways. The next day, I called him and left voicemail thanking him for a nice time and for the cupcake. I hadn't heard back from him by Tuesday, so I called again and just left voicemail. Haven't heard from him, not even a call to say hello. So, I don't get it. Is it so difficult to return a call, even if you don't have great news or interest in a person?
Also, question for you all. I debate this and go back and forth. When dating, who should pay? My view has always been that the person who asks someone out on a date pays. And I have no problem doing so. But my therapist, and multiple friends for that matter, say that when dating, one should go dutch (which I find completely tacky). Their reasoning is that it doesn't impose on the date an obligation or a sense of duty to go out on a date again. My sentiments are that if I ask someone out on a date (hey, would you like to grab dinner, drink, go out?), I am inviting them out and am attempting to show them a good time and to get to know me. If I don't pay at the end of the date, I will come off as cheap or tacky. By the same token, I expect that if someone asks me out on a date (and doesn't otherwise clarify), he is going to pay. This all goes back, of course, to an upbringing that had assumed (1) I was heterosexual; (2) I would ask girls out on dates; and (3) that I would pay for those dates because that is what a gentleman does.
Of course, being gay may alter that equation. Any thoughts?
Also, I have been on two "interview" dates with people from match.com. Both went quite well. They turned out to be apparently normal guys. We'll see what happens.
Lastly, today is the beginning of my sabbatical. I will be working at a client's office for the client exclusively, for one month. My temporary work-abode will be Times Square, the center of the universe.
A.B.
Many, many months later (a couple of weekends ago), a friend points out this handsome guy and I end up talking to him. It turned out that he was the guy my colleague had suggested I contact. It came in the context of our conversation about our jobs. I asked if I could call him and he said that it would be fine.
I did call him a day later and left voicemail, he returned my call two days later and we agreed to meet for a drink. We met on Friday night of last week (11/10/06) and ended up having dinner. We had a great conversation and, what I thought, was commonality. At the end of our dinner, as we paid, I asked him if I could call him again and he said yes. We then walked over to a bakery and got some cupcakes (which he paid for). We said goodnight and went our separate ways. The next day, I called him and left voicemail thanking him for a nice time and for the cupcake. I hadn't heard back from him by Tuesday, so I called again and just left voicemail. Haven't heard from him, not even a call to say hello. So, I don't get it. Is it so difficult to return a call, even if you don't have great news or interest in a person?
Also, question for you all. I debate this and go back and forth. When dating, who should pay? My view has always been that the person who asks someone out on a date pays. And I have no problem doing so. But my therapist, and multiple friends for that matter, say that when dating, one should go dutch (which I find completely tacky). Their reasoning is that it doesn't impose on the date an obligation or a sense of duty to go out on a date again. My sentiments are that if I ask someone out on a date (hey, would you like to grab dinner, drink, go out?), I am inviting them out and am attempting to show them a good time and to get to know me. If I don't pay at the end of the date, I will come off as cheap or tacky. By the same token, I expect that if someone asks me out on a date (and doesn't otherwise clarify), he is going to pay. This all goes back, of course, to an upbringing that had assumed (1) I was heterosexual; (2) I would ask girls out on dates; and (3) that I would pay for those dates because that is what a gentleman does.
Of course, being gay may alter that equation. Any thoughts?
Also, I have been on two "interview" dates with people from match.com. Both went quite well. They turned out to be apparently normal guys. We'll see what happens.
Lastly, today is the beginning of my sabbatical. I will be working at a client's office for the client exclusively, for one month. My temporary work-abode will be Times Square, the center of the universe.
A.B.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
As Luck Would Have It...
I went on three dates with a person I met on gay.com. First date, we met for drinks and then ended up having dinner. Second date, we went to dinner. Third date, we went to see Volver, the Pedro Almodóvar film (excellent, please dont' miss it). That third date was last night. This evening, I went out to dinner with my friend H.P. and then ended up at Eastern Bloc, followed by Element. At Element, I saw the guy, dancing on the dance floor with another guy. They were making out. Either they went on a date or met there, who knows.
Regardless, that guy is out of the picture. But, I am certainly angry and left thinking, what is it that people want? I mean, if I go out on a date with someone, and feel attracted/chemistry, I sort of give it some time, to see if perhaps that person might work out. I don't go on a date or hook up with someone the next day.
As I left, he left too, alone. I just stopped him and told him that that was not the way I operated. He gave me the line that he liked the time he spent with me, etc. All in all, what does that mean. They are vacuous words. I said good night, shaked his hand, about faced, and walked away.
The more I live here, the more vacuous the gay men in this city seem.
A.B.
Regardless, that guy is out of the picture. But, I am certainly angry and left thinking, what is it that people want? I mean, if I go out on a date with someone, and feel attracted/chemistry, I sort of give it some time, to see if perhaps that person might work out. I don't go on a date or hook up with someone the next day.
As I left, he left too, alone. I just stopped him and told him that that was not the way I operated. He gave me the line that he liked the time he spent with me, etc. All in all, what does that mean. They are vacuous words. I said good night, shaked his hand, about faced, and walked away.
The more I live here, the more vacuous the gay men in this city seem.
A.B.
Monday, October 23, 2006
W. H. Auden - 'In Memory of W.B. Yeats'
The guy on Sunday recited this to me, from Auden:
Time that is intolerant
Of the brave and the innocent,
And indifferent in a week
To a beautiful physique,
Worships language and forgives
Everyone by whom it lives;
Pardons cowardice, conceit,
Lays its honours at their feet.
Time that with this strange excuse
Pardoned Kipling and his views,
And will pardon Paul Claudel,
Pardons him for writing well.
In the nightmare of the dark
All the dogs of Europe bark,
And the living nations wait,
Each sequestered in its hate;
Intellectual disgrace
Stares from every human face,
And the seas of pity lie
Locked and frozen in each eye.
Follow, poet, follow right
To the bottom of the night,
With your unconstraining voice
Still persuade us to rejoice.
A.B.
Time that is intolerant
Of the brave and the innocent,
And indifferent in a week
To a beautiful physique,
Worships language and forgives
Everyone by whom it lives;
Pardons cowardice, conceit,
Lays its honours at their feet.
Time that with this strange excuse
Pardoned Kipling and his views,
And will pardon Paul Claudel,
Pardons him for writing well.
In the nightmare of the dark
All the dogs of Europe bark,
And the living nations wait,
Each sequestered in its hate;
Intellectual disgrace
Stares from every human face,
And the seas of pity lie
Locked and frozen in each eye.
Follow, poet, follow right
To the bottom of the night,
With your unconstraining voice
Still persuade us to rejoice.
A.B.
This weekend's dates
I had three dates this weekend: a Friday evening movie and dinner; a Saturday brunch and a Sunday evening cocktails and dinner, with three different guys.
FRIDAY: I had been out once before with this guy, an architect. An incredibly nice guy, he is becoming acquainted with a friend of mine and shortly prior to meeting my friend had contacted me on Friendster. I have enjoyed our two dates but didn't feel much of a connection and will need to speak to him about that. I hope he can become a friend.
SATURDAY: This guy contacted me on gay.com. He just recently moved to the city. Very talkative and a little to pushy. I have received several e-mails a day from him. After our brunch, we each went our separate ways and that evening he sent me an instant message asking if I would like to go out to the movies on Sunday. On Sunday, I knew I was going to have a busy day with work (deal signing) and thus wouldn't be available. I let him know and on Monday morning he e-mailed me asking whether the deal had signed. I let him know it did and he responded with "Great. Now I'll have you all to myself". He has sent several messages of this type both prior to and after meeting on Saturday for brunch and it feels slightly stressful. We barely know each other and he has already thrown out the topic of exclusivity as well. Not seeing much of a future.
SUNDAY: I was on gay.com while on conference calls on Sunday and a guy sent me a message. I read his profile and saw his pictures. I thought he was attractive and we had a conversation over Instant Messenger. He asked if I would be up for meeting for a drink and I ventured. We settled on meeting at G Bar in Chelsea at 6.30pm. We met, had a couple of drinks and then decided to grab dinner. We went to this Thai restaurant on 8th Ave. After dinner, we decided to grab coffee at *$$ to continue our conversation. Throughout the evening, I had to keep checking my blackberry every time it went off because of the darn transaction that was supposed to sign (it did sign, at 4 am Monday morning). I found him to be very nice, quite possibly because he was born and raised abroad and moved to New York to pursue a degree in fashion and then ended up staying here. I'm hoping we will get together soon.
Although it is fun to meet people, I am growing a bit tired of having to balance it all out. Too much work involved in it.
A.B.
FRIDAY: I had been out once before with this guy, an architect. An incredibly nice guy, he is becoming acquainted with a friend of mine and shortly prior to meeting my friend had contacted me on Friendster. I have enjoyed our two dates but didn't feel much of a connection and will need to speak to him about that. I hope he can become a friend.
SATURDAY: This guy contacted me on gay.com. He just recently moved to the city. Very talkative and a little to pushy. I have received several e-mails a day from him. After our brunch, we each went our separate ways and that evening he sent me an instant message asking if I would like to go out to the movies on Sunday. On Sunday, I knew I was going to have a busy day with work (deal signing) and thus wouldn't be available. I let him know and on Monday morning he e-mailed me asking whether the deal had signed. I let him know it did and he responded with "Great. Now I'll have you all to myself". He has sent several messages of this type both prior to and after meeting on Saturday for brunch and it feels slightly stressful. We barely know each other and he has already thrown out the topic of exclusivity as well. Not seeing much of a future.
SUNDAY: I was on gay.com while on conference calls on Sunday and a guy sent me a message. I read his profile and saw his pictures. I thought he was attractive and we had a conversation over Instant Messenger. He asked if I would be up for meeting for a drink and I ventured. We settled on meeting at G Bar in Chelsea at 6.30pm. We met, had a couple of drinks and then decided to grab dinner. We went to this Thai restaurant on 8th Ave. After dinner, we decided to grab coffee at *$$ to continue our conversation. Throughout the evening, I had to keep checking my blackberry every time it went off because of the darn transaction that was supposed to sign (it did sign, at 4 am Monday morning). I found him to be very nice, quite possibly because he was born and raised abroad and moved to New York to pursue a degree in fashion and then ended up staying here. I'm hoping we will get together soon.
Although it is fun to meet people, I am growing a bit tired of having to balance it all out. Too much work involved in it.
A.B.
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