Sunday I saw two spectacular movies. Somehow, I never saw The Color Purple. Back when it came out I was young(er) and it didn't really call out to me. That was unfortunate. But Sunday, I was overwhelmed. And it made me love Whoopi even more.
I also saw My Life Without Me, about a young wife and mother who is diagnosed with a terminal illness and given a few months to live. The main character makes all the necessary arrangements prior to her impending death and decides to do those things she feels she should have done, but never had an opportunity to do. Perhaps not a novel story-line, granted, but it was quite moving nonetheless.
A.B.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The Guy 3
A month into knowing the guy, I invited him on impulse to a wedding I was attending at the Berkshires. My friends have told me to not be too impulsive, it scares guys. The wedding was a gay wedding (my first) in the Berkshires and I had already made arrangements for an inn and car rental to get there. I invited the guy and he said he would love to go. We ended up going. We spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday together. We drove up together and had a lovely ride, although I got a speeding ticket.
We arrived Friday evening to a barn dinner with all the wedding guests. As we walked in, people turned to look at us. The grooms, friends of mine, hadn't met the guy yet and came over to greet us. One of the grooms whispered to me and asked where I had met him. The dinner was stupendous, a buffet style dinner with a country flair to it. We had a wonderful time and chatted with the grooms' parents and family and were asked on many occasions how long we had been together. Despite the slight awkwardness, it felt quite natural.
Saturday, we went horseback riding and then to lunch in one of the little surrounding towns. After that, we went back to the inn to get ready and then off to the wedding. The ceremony was a stellar event. After that, we crossed the highway to the grooms' home and attended the receptioin, which went late into the night.
On Sunday, we went to the brunch that was offered for the guests and family and then came back home. My mom arrived that afternoon to visit for a week, so on the way back I commented that because my mom would be here, and if he was alright with it, it would be nice if we could all three get together. He wasn't taken aback by this, quite the contrary, he said he would love to meet my mom.
I must say, I was surprised. My experience has been that guys just don't feel comfortable meeting the parents so soon. He took it in stride and that made me feel even more attracted to him than I did already.
On Monday, we went to a fashion show with my mom and then to dinner. And things were seamless. My mom, commenting on our way back home, said that she had found him to be so genuine and uncomplicated. He, in an e-mail the next day, stated that he thought my mom was so authentic and genuine. I would say it went well.
On Friday, the guy and I had dinner with my mom and my dear friend L.C. L.C. found the guy to be adorable.
So, things seem to be ok for the time being, although I do feel my haunting insecurities in the back of my mind. I have and am developing feelings for the guy.
A.B.
We arrived Friday evening to a barn dinner with all the wedding guests. As we walked in, people turned to look at us. The grooms, friends of mine, hadn't met the guy yet and came over to greet us. One of the grooms whispered to me and asked where I had met him. The dinner was stupendous, a buffet style dinner with a country flair to it. We had a wonderful time and chatted with the grooms' parents and family and were asked on many occasions how long we had been together. Despite the slight awkwardness, it felt quite natural.
Saturday, we went horseback riding and then to lunch in one of the little surrounding towns. After that, we went back to the inn to get ready and then off to the wedding. The ceremony was a stellar event. After that, we crossed the highway to the grooms' home and attended the receptioin, which went late into the night.
On Sunday, we went to the brunch that was offered for the guests and family and then came back home. My mom arrived that afternoon to visit for a week, so on the way back I commented that because my mom would be here, and if he was alright with it, it would be nice if we could all three get together. He wasn't taken aback by this, quite the contrary, he said he would love to meet my mom.
I must say, I was surprised. My experience has been that guys just don't feel comfortable meeting the parents so soon. He took it in stride and that made me feel even more attracted to him than I did already.
On Monday, we went to a fashion show with my mom and then to dinner. And things were seamless. My mom, commenting on our way back home, said that she had found him to be so genuine and uncomplicated. He, in an e-mail the next day, stated that he thought my mom was so authentic and genuine. I would say it went well.
On Friday, the guy and I had dinner with my mom and my dear friend L.C. L.C. found the guy to be adorable.
So, things seem to be ok for the time being, although I do feel my haunting insecurities in the back of my mind. I have and am developing feelings for the guy.
A.B.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Globalization... of Stereotypes
I have dual citizenship. My parents, both foreign nationals (of the same country) were living in the United States when I, and my siblings, were born. Hence, we carry dual citizenship status. I was raised here as a child and subsequently moved back to our home country. I was raised there and went on to finish elementary and high school, and obtain my college degree. After working several years in Mexico, I moved to New York to pursue another degree and then began working in New York.
My mom is visiting this week from home and today, we had lunch at Chop't, a salad place near my office. The people that work behind the counter are, in their majority, from my home country. They overheard my mother and me speaking in our native language and asked where we were from, when we told them they were surprised and said we didn't look like we were from there, we were too well dressed.
This evening, as I was walking my little dog, I told him to come along in my native language. Someone overheard me and asked if I was from a European country. When I responded that I was from my home country, he said that I looked too white to be from there.
These small encounters always irk me. To think that everyone from an Asian country should have certain characteristics, or to think the same of someone from an African nation, denotes ignorance in my mind. It is the globalization of stereotypes.
It bothers me further that I must "defend" my heritage to a stranger because of his or her ignorance: yep, I really am from there; nope, it is quite diverse despite your misconceptions; etc.
This happens to me more frequently than not. I wonder if people ever stop to consider that questions like that may be offensive to the recipient, especially in a city like New York that is so inherently cosmopolitan.
A.B.
My mom is visiting this week from home and today, we had lunch at Chop't, a salad place near my office. The people that work behind the counter are, in their majority, from my home country. They overheard my mother and me speaking in our native language and asked where we were from, when we told them they were surprised and said we didn't look like we were from there, we were too well dressed.
This evening, as I was walking my little dog, I told him to come along in my native language. Someone overheard me and asked if I was from a European country. When I responded that I was from my home country, he said that I looked too white to be from there.
These small encounters always irk me. To think that everyone from an Asian country should have certain characteristics, or to think the same of someone from an African nation, denotes ignorance in my mind. It is the globalization of stereotypes.
It bothers me further that I must "defend" my heritage to a stranger because of his or her ignorance: yep, I really am from there; nope, it is quite diverse despite your misconceptions; etc.
This happens to me more frequently than not. I wonder if people ever stop to consider that questions like that may be offensive to the recipient, especially in a city like New York that is so inherently cosmopolitan.
A.B.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Feeling like an outsider again...
It has been quite a while since I felt or was made to feel like an outsider. Having been living in New York since 2001, I have grown accustomed to not needing to justify my sexuality or to even be questioned as to where I stand in terms of orientation. In New York, I have found comfort in the, generally, live and let live attitude and accepting, if not welcoming, view the majority of people I encounter have towards diversity. Let me preface that by stating that perhaps I have been fortunate, and that I have not suffered discrimination directly. On occasion, there have been instances of what other person's might consider or find intolerable, i.e., hearing "faggot" yelled on the street. I have, in recent past, been aware of more directed assaults on our community in New York (i.e., gay-bashings) which are, in and of themselves, intolerable.
Coming from a country and a culture that is deep-rooted in catholicism, where discrimination and hatred are rampant and the norm, not the exception, an occasional slur to me, though not forgiveable and certainly not something to approve of or support, is not something I tend to get too worked up about. That said, these instances in New York have been two or, perhaps, three.
Over the labor day weekend, I went away on vacation to Nantucket. A friend of mine had rented a house there, in order to attend a wedding and invited some of her friends and me to join. I decided that getting way would be a good idea and since I had never been to Nantucket before, jumped at the opportunity.
The preppiness aside, the setting is most magnificent. The remoteness of the island (or the feeling of remoteness), coupled by the incredible and fresh seafood, made it a perfect getaway weekend. But, during the course of my stay, one guy, attempting to hit on my female friends (three beautiful sisters of Korean ancestry) asked me "Which one of these beautiful women is your girlfriend?" My natural response would have been to say that I am gay followed by complimentary conversation of my friends (i.e., a set-up). But in this environment, where all men and woman were so uniform, clad in their polo shirts, madras shorts and cute keds, the response was one of yesteryear. "Unfortunately, none of them is my girlfriend". I felt I betrayed myself but, at the same time, had no other option.
I was reminded of a line in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, in which one character explains, after a gay-bashing, that suburbia is a cushion that safeguards us from the rest of the world.
I yearned to be back home in New York.
A.B.
Coming from a country and a culture that is deep-rooted in catholicism, where discrimination and hatred are rampant and the norm, not the exception, an occasional slur to me, though not forgiveable and certainly not something to approve of or support, is not something I tend to get too worked up about. That said, these instances in New York have been two or, perhaps, three.
Over the labor day weekend, I went away on vacation to Nantucket. A friend of mine had rented a house there, in order to attend a wedding and invited some of her friends and me to join. I decided that getting way would be a good idea and since I had never been to Nantucket before, jumped at the opportunity.
The preppiness aside, the setting is most magnificent. The remoteness of the island (or the feeling of remoteness), coupled by the incredible and fresh seafood, made it a perfect getaway weekend. But, during the course of my stay, one guy, attempting to hit on my female friends (three beautiful sisters of Korean ancestry) asked me "Which one of these beautiful women is your girlfriend?" My natural response would have been to say that I am gay followed by complimentary conversation of my friends (i.e., a set-up). But in this environment, where all men and woman were so uniform, clad in their polo shirts, madras shorts and cute keds, the response was one of yesteryear. "Unfortunately, none of them is my girlfriend". I felt I betrayed myself but, at the same time, had no other option.
I was reminded of a line in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, in which one character explains, after a gay-bashing, that suburbia is a cushion that safeguards us from the rest of the world.
I yearned to be back home in New York.
A.B.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
The Guy 2
So, I have been seeing (dating? hanging out with? what?) this guy I met on, of all places, gay.com. We chatted early July and suggested meeting for coffee. Unfortunately, he had plans for the coming weekends, I was busy with work and the like. We finally were able to meet on a Saturday afternoon, at 3pm at a coffee shop in my neighborhood. What I expected to be a 1 hour tops coffee "date" turned into a five hour conversation.
After that, we came to my apartment as I needed to walk my dog, continued our conversation. Nothing happened, we said goodbye and he left to meet up with some friends for dinner. I carried on. I played by the rules and didn't want to call or follow up for a couple of days. My past experiences and showing my excitement of meeting someone I feel attracted to or interested in have always ended in failures. So, a couple of days later I planned on calling. Two days later he sent me a text message. A week later I called him on a Monday and suggested dinner. We had dinner that evening and, after dinner, kissed goodnight.
The next week, we met again for dinner on a Wednesday night. We had a great time and suggested doing something over the weekend. I had plans that Saturday evening and so he suggested meeting up with me after my dinner. We did meet at the restaurant, where he met some of my friends. We were at One If By Land, Two If By Sea and he met us there for dessert. He dressed to the nines. As he walked in, I could tell, for certain, that he had dressed to impress. The fact that he did meant (means) a lot to me. I notice these things, these apparently seemingly minor efforts and put a lot of meaning into them.
After dinner, we went to Little Branch for drinks. Our dated didn't end unti Sunday evening. Sunday we had brunch, walked around in SoHo and then ended up going to a movie. It was just so nice to have someone to spend time with and enjoy it, hoping the day wouldn't end. This past weekend, we did pretty much the same. Dinner, a show and brunch the next day with a friend of his. We spent Sunday together once more.
Since we are both leaving on a vacation over the Labor Day weekend, we had dinner last night. It was fantastic but I now feel a little anxiety and insecurity. We've spent time together and had a great time, but now I wonder, what is too fast what is sufficiently slow?
Next week, we are having dinner on Wednesday with friends of his. I feel nervous because there is a degree of involvement (meeting friends, etc.) but where are we? At T@T, my therapist said that I should just relax. Yes, so easy to do. "Uh huh," I said.
So he is off this weekend, as am I and I am left to ponder where, if anywhere, will this lead to? And why can't I just "go with the flow"?
A.B.
After that, we came to my apartment as I needed to walk my dog, continued our conversation. Nothing happened, we said goodbye and he left to meet up with some friends for dinner. I carried on. I played by the rules and didn't want to call or follow up for a couple of days. My past experiences and showing my excitement of meeting someone I feel attracted to or interested in have always ended in failures. So, a couple of days later I planned on calling. Two days later he sent me a text message. A week later I called him on a Monday and suggested dinner. We had dinner that evening and, after dinner, kissed goodnight.
The next week, we met again for dinner on a Wednesday night. We had a great time and suggested doing something over the weekend. I had plans that Saturday evening and so he suggested meeting up with me after my dinner. We did meet at the restaurant, where he met some of my friends. We were at One If By Land, Two If By Sea and he met us there for dessert. He dressed to the nines. As he walked in, I could tell, for certain, that he had dressed to impress. The fact that he did meant (means) a lot to me. I notice these things, these apparently seemingly minor efforts and put a lot of meaning into them.
After dinner, we went to Little Branch for drinks. Our dated didn't end unti Sunday evening. Sunday we had brunch, walked around in SoHo and then ended up going to a movie. It was just so nice to have someone to spend time with and enjoy it, hoping the day wouldn't end. This past weekend, we did pretty much the same. Dinner, a show and brunch the next day with a friend of his. We spent Sunday together once more.
Since we are both leaving on a vacation over the Labor Day weekend, we had dinner last night. It was fantastic but I now feel a little anxiety and insecurity. We've spent time together and had a great time, but now I wonder, what is too fast what is sufficiently slow?
Next week, we are having dinner on Wednesday with friends of his. I feel nervous because there is a degree of involvement (meeting friends, etc.) but where are we? At T@T, my therapist said that I should just relax. Yes, so easy to do. "Uh huh," I said.
So he is off this weekend, as am I and I am left to ponder where, if anywhere, will this lead to? And why can't I just "go with the flow"?
A.B.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Guy
So, I've met this amazing guy and have had four dates with him and am completely and utterly nervous because I don't want to screw it up.
A.B.
A.B.
Monday, August 07, 2006
New Trend?
So, my new thing is to refer to Starbucks as *$$, but nobody gets it. I feel lonely...
A.B.
A.B.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Scent of a Man
I purchased, over a year ago, a cologne that I truly loved on first smell. They say that our olfactory sense has a better memory than our other senses and is a powerful cognitive, although majorly subconscious, sense.
This cologne - I have sworn myself never to reveal the name as it is "my little secret" - is one of those things that I just cherish. Many people have complimented me on the scent, inquired as to the name and come up and sniffed my neck. It's funny and it's conversational.
Today, my former assistant didn't see me in the elevator as she was walking out. Half and hour later, she walked into my office to say that although she hadn't seen me in the elevator, she realized I was there because of my cologne.
I stepped out to get coffee this afternoon and, as I came back into the building, the female security officer turned to me and said that she really liked my cologne.
R.G. loved the scent as well. I think he may be the only one that "knows" my secret.
I have (or had) a secret!
A.B.
This cologne - I have sworn myself never to reveal the name as it is "my little secret" - is one of those things that I just cherish. Many people have complimented me on the scent, inquired as to the name and come up and sniffed my neck. It's funny and it's conversational.
Today, my former assistant didn't see me in the elevator as she was walking out. Half and hour later, she walked into my office to say that although she hadn't seen me in the elevator, she realized I was there because of my cologne.
I stepped out to get coffee this afternoon and, as I came back into the building, the female security officer turned to me and said that she really liked my cologne.
R.G. loved the scent as well. I think he may be the only one that "knows" my secret.
I have (or had) a secret!
A.B.
Monday, July 10, 2006
A month has flown by
A month has flown by and I don't know what happened. I got distracted by much dating going on but, it seems, nothing has come of it. I met three different guys at about the same time and, though they all seemed nice, nothing really sparked. I guess I just really need to take a break, re-focus and center myself.
Perhaps, again, by not looking, I shall find.
On other fronts, work has been crazy, keeping busier than I expected, but not enough to keep me away from the gym. I am becoming, slowly and surely, an assiduous gym-goer. And it's fun. Recently, I graduated from "running" on the elliptical to running on the treadmill. And let me tell you, running is cathartic. I am focused on one goal, making it to my 30 minutes. And I am almost in a trance as I run: the pounding feet, the concentration, the coordinated effort and the sweat. It's fantastic.
A.B.
Perhaps, again, by not looking, I shall find.
On other fronts, work has been crazy, keeping busier than I expected, but not enough to keep me away from the gym. I am becoming, slowly and surely, an assiduous gym-goer. And it's fun. Recently, I graduated from "running" on the elliptical to running on the treadmill. And let me tell you, running is cathartic. I am focused on one goal, making it to my 30 minutes. And I am almost in a trance as I run: the pounding feet, the concentration, the coordinated effort and the sweat. It's fantastic.
A.B.
Friday, June 16, 2006
T@T - Lo Mundano
I woke up late on Thursday, having been to an event the prior night. That coupled with stress relating to my job situation, well, my therapy session was left in a forgotten void. At 8.45 am, as I was leisurely walking my dog, it dawned on me. As I got into my apartment, my phone was ringing, I answered and it was my therapist. I apologized profusely, almost to the point of self-flagellation and he said I was being too hard on myself. We ended up having a phone session, and no, it wasn't that kind.
We talked mostly about dating and my therapist asked me, "Well, what is that you want from dating?" I had to think about that for a minute. I suppose that what I want, I said, is the mundane. He asked what I meant by that. "Lo mundano" seems to be so natural to me, that I didn't really think I needed to explain it. Apparently, cultural differences necessitated some form of clarity. I responded, I don't really want a "Hollywood" relationship -- like the one's I see in the movies -- where everything is seen through rose tinted glasses. It isn't the endless emotional spiraling sensation. Those things are nice, but they aren't the things I seek. Should they come or be part of the package, that would be wonderful.
No, what I look for are the smaller things. The devil is in the details. Cooking for someone; bringing him a cup of coffee; observing him sleep; watching him read a book; watching a sunset together or taking in a movie; a kiss goodnight; a call out of the blue; a hug that touches my soul; the knowing someone, perhaps better than you should; a penetrating gaze that acknowledges your essence; to love, to be loved.
That, to me, is the mundane and that is what I aspire to have in my life.
A.B.
We talked mostly about dating and my therapist asked me, "Well, what is that you want from dating?" I had to think about that for a minute. I suppose that what I want, I said, is the mundane. He asked what I meant by that. "Lo mundano" seems to be so natural to me, that I didn't really think I needed to explain it. Apparently, cultural differences necessitated some form of clarity. I responded, I don't really want a "Hollywood" relationship -- like the one's I see in the movies -- where everything is seen through rose tinted glasses. It isn't the endless emotional spiraling sensation. Those things are nice, but they aren't the things I seek. Should they come or be part of the package, that would be wonderful.
No, what I look for are the smaller things. The devil is in the details. Cooking for someone; bringing him a cup of coffee; observing him sleep; watching him read a book; watching a sunset together or taking in a movie; a kiss goodnight; a call out of the blue; a hug that touches my soul; the knowing someone, perhaps better than you should; a penetrating gaze that acknowledges your essence; to love, to be loved.
That, to me, is the mundane and that is what I aspire to have in my life.
A.B.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Dating
So, the dating continues. Aside from the SCA guy and F.M. (who never called back), I've met a couple of other guys. I don't know whether it is that I am "jaded" or that these people just don't inspire me, but they all fall into the category of "not worth my time" or "nice guy, potential friend".
I have insisted that the attraction and chemistry I have had with C.T. (who has not been written-up here as of yet, dates back to 2004) and R.G. are precisely the sentiments I aspire to have with respect to the person who will become part of my life. Everyone else is just in passing. Is that being jaded?
Take for instance G.J. A person who saw me at an event I attended and then found me on Friendster. We corresponded and finally decided to meet for dinner. He's vegan, I'm not. The whole back and forth on where to go was a bit boring, but we decided to go to an Indian restaurant. I love Indian and so, it wasn't a bad option; but the conversation on where to dine detracted from the whole occasion. G.J. is a nice guy, regular in appearance and looks, of normal intelligence and passionate solely, for the most part, on a film he has screenwritten. The night passed by like a piece of driftwood on a lake with a mild breeze, sufficient impetus, but not full force. I don't think I'll see him again.
Friday, I met a person from Gay.com. We had chatted over a year ago and then struck up a conversation again recently. I suppose my new pictures had an effect. We met, had drinks. Again, nice guy, but not for me.
Love is elusive. Like porn, you mostly know it when you see it. In the interim, I feel like that piece of driftwood.
A.B.
I have insisted that the attraction and chemistry I have had with C.T. (who has not been written-up here as of yet, dates back to 2004) and R.G. are precisely the sentiments I aspire to have with respect to the person who will become part of my life. Everyone else is just in passing. Is that being jaded?
Take for instance G.J. A person who saw me at an event I attended and then found me on Friendster. We corresponded and finally decided to meet for dinner. He's vegan, I'm not. The whole back and forth on where to go was a bit boring, but we decided to go to an Indian restaurant. I love Indian and so, it wasn't a bad option; but the conversation on where to dine detracted from the whole occasion. G.J. is a nice guy, regular in appearance and looks, of normal intelligence and passionate solely, for the most part, on a film he has screenwritten. The night passed by like a piece of driftwood on a lake with a mild breeze, sufficient impetus, but not full force. I don't think I'll see him again.
Friday, I met a person from Gay.com. We had chatted over a year ago and then struck up a conversation again recently. I suppose my new pictures had an effect. We met, had drinks. Again, nice guy, but not for me.
Love is elusive. Like porn, you mostly know it when you see it. In the interim, I feel like that piece of driftwood.
A.B.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Next...
So, went on a date with Subway Guy yesterday. It was a very candid experience. He was in SCA (sexual compulsives anonymous). Date over. He explained to me his proclivity, his going to bars and enjoying oral sex with go go dancers, sex clubs, etc. Kudoz for being honest, but run while I still can. That is too much to take on. Next...
I gave F.M. a call and left voicemail. I hate voicemail. That was Tuesday. No return call yet. Next...
A.B.
I gave F.M. a call and left voicemail. I hate voicemail. That was Tuesday. No return call yet. Next...
A.B.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Idle hands are the devil's workshop...
Your results:
You are Spider-Man
Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...
You are Spider-Man
| You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.  |
Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
The Mojo...
It's back baby!
I guess the funk is over. After the mourning, the sense of loss, the despair and all those wonderfully unpleasant feelings, it seems I got my Mojo back as my friend L.C. says. The only problem is that the mojo has a little quirk to it now... it attracts 23 - 26 year olds.
I have traditionally dated men slightly or not so slightly older than myself, anywhere from 35 through 45. Not a strict rule, it has just so happened that way. I find myself attracted to more mature, more established men who have, for the most part, been able to evolve past the partying, the drinking and sexual escapades to the theatre, the movies, fine dining, etc.
My M.O. has usually been that. Until a few weeks ago. First, this guy, T.M., happened. He's 24. I bumped into him Sunday night at The Cabañas at The Maritime Hotel. Friday night, after X-Men 3, I decided to stop by Mr. Black, a bar on Bleecker and Broadway. I thought I would have a drink, feel a little less lonely amidst the crowd.
I ended up bumping into acquaintances. Those times you wish you didn't only because you would like to be on your own but are obligated by social grace to be friendly and talkative and inquisitive.
Around 1 am, this guy begins talking with me. He looks young, but I think that it will be the usual 5 minute conversation. We ended up talking at length. The guy is quite handsome (F.M.), 23, out of college, working in an equity firm. He ended up giving me his number and asking me to call him to go out. More happened, I won't divulge that here though.
In addition, there are a couple of more guys, 24 and 23 as well. My friend L.C. is all for it but I tell her that I have my reservations about younger guys. They tend to party too much, to want to do the same things I did at that age and that I am now beyond. I don't judge them at all, hell, I did it. My reservation is that they are probably not for me precisely because of being at that stage. L.C. says that I am "thinking too much" and that I should "go with the flow and enjoy myself". Why make something serious before its time. My thoughts are simply why waste my time. Ugh!
This is in addition to a guy that chatted me up on the subway on Friday and a person I once had an encounter with who invited me to his barbecue party on Monday and was affectionate.
Anyhow, seemingly, the Mojo is back. Let's hope it lasts!
A.B.
I guess the funk is over. After the mourning, the sense of loss, the despair and all those wonderfully unpleasant feelings, it seems I got my Mojo back as my friend L.C. says. The only problem is that the mojo has a little quirk to it now... it attracts 23 - 26 year olds.
I have traditionally dated men slightly or not so slightly older than myself, anywhere from 35 through 45. Not a strict rule, it has just so happened that way. I find myself attracted to more mature, more established men who have, for the most part, been able to evolve past the partying, the drinking and sexual escapades to the theatre, the movies, fine dining, etc.
My M.O. has usually been that. Until a few weeks ago. First, this guy, T.M., happened. He's 24. I bumped into him Sunday night at The Cabañas at The Maritime Hotel. Friday night, after X-Men 3, I decided to stop by Mr. Black, a bar on Bleecker and Broadway. I thought I would have a drink, feel a little less lonely amidst the crowd.
I ended up bumping into acquaintances. Those times you wish you didn't only because you would like to be on your own but are obligated by social grace to be friendly and talkative and inquisitive.
Around 1 am, this guy begins talking with me. He looks young, but I think that it will be the usual 5 minute conversation. We ended up talking at length. The guy is quite handsome (F.M.), 23, out of college, working in an equity firm. He ended up giving me his number and asking me to call him to go out. More happened, I won't divulge that here though.
In addition, there are a couple of more guys, 24 and 23 as well. My friend L.C. is all for it but I tell her that I have my reservations about younger guys. They tend to party too much, to want to do the same things I did at that age and that I am now beyond. I don't judge them at all, hell, I did it. My reservation is that they are probably not for me precisely because of being at that stage. L.C. says that I am "thinking too much" and that I should "go with the flow and enjoy myself". Why make something serious before its time. My thoughts are simply why waste my time. Ugh!
This is in addition to a guy that chatted me up on the subway on Friday and a person I once had an encounter with who invited me to his barbecue party on Monday and was affectionate.
Anyhow, seemingly, the Mojo is back. Let's hope it lasts!
A.B.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Dinner
Last night I had dinner with my friend H.P. H.P. and I met a couple of years ago and he has become a true friend, those you know will be lifelong. H.P. is sophisticated, articulate, intelligent and funny.
We had a great conversation and a good time just hanging out. His partner wasn't able to join unfortunately, work got in the way.
H.P. said that I seemed to be doing well. I'm glad to see that it is starting to show and I'm not the gloomy old me I was a couple of months ago.
Feeling refreshed.
A.B.
We had a great conversation and a good time just hanging out. His partner wasn't able to join unfortunately, work got in the way.
H.P. said that I seemed to be doing well. I'm glad to see that it is starting to show and I'm not the gloomy old me I was a couple of months ago.
Feeling refreshed.
A.B.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Second Chances?
At one point while I have been living in New York, I gained a lot of weight. My highest ever, at 194 lbs occurred in the summer of 2003 as my most recent relationship came to pass. Depression, sadness, work, stress, anxiety and implacable loneliness were all addressed with food. Once my waist line began inching to the 36" mark, I realized it was time to take action. Dieting began and by the winter of 2004 I had lost 25 lbs. During that time, I met various guys. Very few of them progressed passed the proverbial cup of coffee or first "date". I attributed it to incompatibility or lack of chemistry, either on my part or theirs. After they each waned, I really didn't make an effort to carry on a friendship thinking that if they too had an interest, they would make an attempt as well.
Following that 25 lbs loss, I gained back 5lbs, completely within range. Flash forward to May 2006. I have lost another 15 lbs from January to the present, weighing in at my all-time lowest. Size 31 waist, very slim, features that have become pronounced and angular; the camera is loving me and I'll tell you why.
I have profiles on Connexion and Friendster. I meander on them see if there is anyone that catches my attention and, sometimes, send them a message. Hell, isn't that what those sites are for? Well, as of late, and as a result of my new pictures, several of those guys I once met or went out on one date with (and by several I mean more than 4) have looked at my profile in the past couple of weeks.
They have also e-mailed me to compliment me on my pictures and "new" looks and see if I would be interested in getting together, for a drink, you know? It's flattering, yes, but at the same time I wonder... why have I all of a sudden become worthy of their attention. A couple of years ago, they actually met me face to face and moved on. Clearly, they didn't find me attractive, intelligent, smart or funny enough. So, why am I now worthy of their attention?
The truth is, I am not interested because I feel that all of a sudden the interest (whether it be for a friendship or romantic in nature) is misguided and superficial. Now that I'm not the "ugly duckling", what type of people do I want to associate with. The people that know me or the people that like the way I look (and may or may not know me).
I'll take the former.
A.B.
Following that 25 lbs loss, I gained back 5lbs, completely within range. Flash forward to May 2006. I have lost another 15 lbs from January to the present, weighing in at my all-time lowest. Size 31 waist, very slim, features that have become pronounced and angular; the camera is loving me and I'll tell you why.
I have profiles on Connexion and Friendster. I meander on them see if there is anyone that catches my attention and, sometimes, send them a message. Hell, isn't that what those sites are for? Well, as of late, and as a result of my new pictures, several of those guys I once met or went out on one date with (and by several I mean more than 4) have looked at my profile in the past couple of weeks.
They have also e-mailed me to compliment me on my pictures and "new" looks and see if I would be interested in getting together, for a drink, you know? It's flattering, yes, but at the same time I wonder... why have I all of a sudden become worthy of their attention. A couple of years ago, they actually met me face to face and moved on. Clearly, they didn't find me attractive, intelligent, smart or funny enough. So, why am I now worthy of their attention?
The truth is, I am not interested because I feel that all of a sudden the interest (whether it be for a friendship or romantic in nature) is misguided and superficial. Now that I'm not the "ugly duckling", what type of people do I want to associate with. The people that know me or the people that like the way I look (and may or may not know me).
I'll take the former.
A.B.
Monday, May 22, 2006
An Ever Present Absence
I received over the weekend an e-mail from a dear friend back home. We do not speak often or communicate frequently, our lives have put us on busy and differing paths. However, he is a guy that came into my life and has remained present in it, despite time and distance.
Recently, G.R. broke up with his partner of 4 years. A very dramatic relationship, I heard through mutual friends that things had not been good for a while and that it was most likely they would end their relationship. Incredibly, I never met G.R.'s partner, as I had already moved here when they began dating. By all accounts, his partner was nothing to write home or elsewhere about.
G.R.'s e-mail informed me of his move to a new apartment, the start of a new life on his own, the 30+ lb weight loss and other things. I responded letting him know I was delighted to hear from him, to know that he was moving on and that he had lost the weight he had gained.
G.R. responded that evening, and as I read, I felt a twitch of nostalgia and a pinch in my heart. He said (translated) that despite the distance, I was a person what was ever present in his life and he wanted me to know that I am important to him.
I wish we could all, and I include myself, take the time in our busy lives to tell those that are important to us just how much impact they have in our lives.
A.B.
Recently, G.R. broke up with his partner of 4 years. A very dramatic relationship, I heard through mutual friends that things had not been good for a while and that it was most likely they would end their relationship. Incredibly, I never met G.R.'s partner, as I had already moved here when they began dating. By all accounts, his partner was nothing to write home or elsewhere about.
G.R.'s e-mail informed me of his move to a new apartment, the start of a new life on his own, the 30+ lb weight loss and other things. I responded letting him know I was delighted to hear from him, to know that he was moving on and that he had lost the weight he had gained.
G.R. responded that evening, and as I read, I felt a twitch of nostalgia and a pinch in my heart. He said (translated) that despite the distance, I was a person what was ever present in his life and he wanted me to know that I am important to him.
I wish we could all, and I include myself, take the time in our busy lives to tell those that are important to us just how much impact they have in our lives.
A.B.
Monday, May 15, 2006
My Reading Kick
Late to join the bandwagon, I recently picked up "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris. More out of a need to sit down and read something rather than to follow a trend, I began one evening a nice journey. The book was short-lived, I devoured it and, as I did, was reminded of so many things in my life. I think that Sedaris has, what one friend calls, a keen eye for what is obvious. His writing is not earth-shattering, it isn't a discovery proper, but more an ability to focus on those small things that we pass on lightly as we grow. We forget and fail to pay attention to them as more "important" matters take over.
Following that, I went on a shopping spree and have purchased his other books and will begin shortly reading them.
In the interim, I am loving Jhumpa Lahiri's "Interpreter of Maladies", it is bittersweet.
A.B.
Following that, I went on a shopping spree and have purchased his other books and will begin shortly reading them.
In the interim, I am loving Jhumpa Lahiri's "Interpreter of Maladies", it is bittersweet.
A.B.
My (Growing) List of Pet Peeves
I try to keep an open mind about the people I meet. I attempt to not keep steadfast rules and, in doing so, have realized that some things I thought I disliked, can actually be attractive to me. However, there are certain things I just cannot tolerate. Herein follows a list of such things:
1. Men who wear socks with sandals; Men who wear gym socks with dress shoes.
2. People who enjoy chewing their gum with their mouths open, similar to cows grazing.
3. People with poor dental/oral hygiene.
4. Lack of basic table manners.
5. Chewing with mouth open.
6. Burping (in front of people); if inevitable, failing to excuse oneself for so doing.
7. People who do not think before they speak and gravitate towards stock phrases: "I'll call you", "I am so stressed out", etc.
8. Lazy people.
9. People who drink too much or whose only idea of fun is drinking.
10. People who lack the courage (i.e., balls) to be honest.
True, some of them are quite generic, but if the red flag goes up, I am learning to just move on.
A.B.
1. Men who wear socks with sandals; Men who wear gym socks with dress shoes.
2. People who enjoy chewing their gum with their mouths open, similar to cows grazing.
3. People with poor dental/oral hygiene.
4. Lack of basic table manners.
5. Chewing with mouth open.
6. Burping (in front of people); if inevitable, failing to excuse oneself for so doing.
7. People who do not think before they speak and gravitate towards stock phrases: "I'll call you", "I am so stressed out", etc.
8. Lazy people.
9. People who drink too much or whose only idea of fun is drinking.
10. People who lack the courage (i.e., balls) to be honest.
True, some of them are quite generic, but if the red flag goes up, I am learning to just move on.
A.B.
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